23 Things To Remember at 23.
Life is a constant lesson. Here are some of things I've learnt about myself as I've been living it, as well as things I want to remember now that I'm twenty-three (+ some song recommendations)
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The last time I wrote something for my birthday, I fashioned the whole post as if I was interviewing myself. You can find the link to that post below if you’d like to give it a read.
I, for one, have no intention of re-reading that post. It was very unedited, very vulnerable in a way not at all dissimilar to how I write in my journal, and I’ve never been the kind of person who enjoys re-reading their journal entries, or the kind of person who does so without extreme difficulty.
At first, I thought I’d do the exact same thing this year but, instead, I decided to change it up just a bit. I’ll still be in conversation with myself but instead of grilling myself with existential questions like last year, I’ll just talk to myself. Entirely to myself. Think, me standing in front of a bathroom mirror and giving myself a pep-talk before leaving the house to go out into the world. Some of these lessons are general, others are overly personal, but I hope they resonate with you and get you thinking about lessons you’ve learnt (or are still learning) as you grow older.
ONE
You like to cook… a lot more than you first thought. It’s different now. It’s an art-form. It’s a moment in your day where you can zone-out, where it’s just you and your chopping board and your noise-cancelling headphones, the same song on repeat or the gentle storytelling of your current audiobook playing in your ears. Sure, you need to eat but the elaborate act of cooking isn’t compulsory anymore. Not in the way that you were once used to. It’s not a by-product of you being the first daughter, of you being predestined cook of the house. You like to cook and… you’re not perfect at it. You have a habit of adding too much cayenne pepper into recipes that don’t even call for it but at least you’re having fun.
TWO
If you ensure that you’re living authentically, you’re bound to attract people that like that. You’re also bound to attract people that don’t. Accept that. You don’t like everyone, so why should everyone like you?
THREE
All caffeine consumption outside of a sugary energy drink makes you sleepy, Chioma, but all caffeine consumption from within a sugary energy drink makes you crash hard after about an hour and a half of manic productivity. Maybe just… fix your sleeping schedule.
FOUR
Taking a moment to decipher if what you’re feeling is anxiety or intuition is important when making decisions to do or not do something. You feel anxiety at the base of your throat, nestled between your collarbones, an uncomfortable feeling that feels near impossible to swallow. You feel your intuition all over your skin; it’s an all-encompassing blanket of knowing.
FIVE
Stop trying to read and enjoy Dark Academia novels. You’re wasting both of our times.
SIX
You need to plan important tasks in your day as though the day ends at around 3PM in the afternoon. You may flip-flop between being a morning person and being a nighttime person but, I’ll tell you this for free, you’re definitely not an afternoon person.
SEVEN
Uber drivers will talk your ear off if you let them. Let them. You’ve learnt some great lessons from the anecdotes of strangers.
EIGHT
Some people would call you agnostic, but you don’t need to preoccupy yourself with labelling exactly what your belief system is. You can believe in God and reject the notion that there is one “true” religion — that mindset may work for some people but, for you, it chafes and that’s fine.
NINE
Before you buy any piece of clothing from any online store, put it in your basket and then close the app/website. If you don’t come back to it after three days, if the thought of the item doesn’t even cross your mind during that time, you don’t want it enough to justify buying it. Stop letting momentary trends control the movement of your money.
TEN
The moment you feel indifferent towards someone or something, you’re free of it. See that ability to detach as a blessing, not a personal shortcoming.
ELEVEN
Everything is cringy until it’s successful.
TWELVE
Put. The. Self. Help. Book. Down. Especially if it’s written by a STRAIGHT WHITE man... Seriously.
THIRTEEN
On the topic of White... You can reheat white rice and get it just as fluffy as it was when it was first boiled. Soak a sheet of tissue paper, squeeze out the excess water until it’s damp, lay the damp tissue over the rice and microwave it. Voilà!
FOURTEEN
Nine times out of ten, on the days where you feel yourself rotting in bed, a shower will make you feel better. The hotter the water, the better. I don’t care what time it is. It could be twelve in the afternoon or three o’clock at dawn. The shower will make the day feel fresh and you can tackle your previously intended tasks anew.
FIFTEEN
When you’re having a great time hanging out with your friends and you get that urge to say hey, I’m having a great time, open your mouth and say, hey, I’m having a great time. There’s something healing about honouring that random urge to express how good you feel to be surrounded by the people you love.
SIXTEEN
You don’t enjoy clubbing, per say. You enjoy dancing. With friends. With strangers. Alone. Maybe you should try to find another space where you can do that more. Somewhere without the sticky floors, the gross bathrooms, and the extortionate drink prices.
SEVENTEEN
Saying no, I don’t want to is a good enough reason to… not do something. You shouldn’t feel the need to explain yourself further and people who love you, people who respect your boundaries, will rarely expect you to.
EIGHTEEN
You feel everything so deeply and that level of sensitivity is not only beautiful, but also your greatest strength. In a world so selfish and rough, so plagued with apathy, it’s radical to care.
NINETEEN
If you’re insecure about a certain body part, start showing it off more. Out of all the ways you can fake it until you make it, confidence in your body is the area where it works the best. In summary, take that jacket off and show the people those arms!
TWENTY
Asking for help doesn’t make you pathetic, or weak, or a loser. The only thing that asking for help makes you is someone who finishes difficult tasks quicker and with less stress. Let’s save the grey hairs for later on in life!
TWENTY-ONE
You’ve gotten better at expressing your emotions, but I think it’s time to get more comfortable with your anger. Especially anger created by people you care for. Any relationship worth keeping will survive your complaints and disagreements, whether they are unfounded or not. Even anger can come from a place of love.
TWENTY-TWO
Because you’re obsessed with avoiding being a jack of all trades and a master of none, you’ve been holding yourself back. Who cares if you’ve not mastered something if doing it makes you feel alive? Stop worrying about perfection and just do the thing, whatever that thing may be.
TWENTY-THREE
Every second you spend consuming content about someone else’s life, is a second you spend wasting your own. Comparison is not only a thief of joy… It is also a thief of time.
Self help book written by a straight white man...run for the hills (happiest of birthdays my love ♥️)
That last one really hit me! I've been wondering why I feel like I never have time for myself despite spending hours alone, but those hours are usually spent scrolling through someone else's highlight reel :? Happy belated birthday & thanks for a wonderful post.