This topic has plagued so much of my life. Parents were shamed for not teaching me, I was shamed for not learning it, we were all shamed for not speaking it at home. It caused such a rift in my cultural identity that I just left it altogether. I'm British, whatever thst means. Related far too well with this 😭 Chioma has done it again 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
(also. the book recommendation was perfect. I used it for my dissertation!)
OMG? You did? Oh I bet it was so interesting picking apart the book in an entire dissertation. If you don’t mind me asking, what was your dissertation title?
It was for my undergraduate and it was titled smth like The Chaos of Bicultural and Multicultural Identities. smth along those lines, I don't remember exactly. But it was soooo interesting. Lowkey had an identity crisis during that disso 😭 But it made me question, blame, take responsibility - the whole lot
the way you write makes me feel like any language especially igbo would be honoured to be sculpted and moulded into any outward expression of your thoughts
Great text, and it seems like a great book recommendation as well. Being a immigrant myself (Brazilian in Belgium) I love all the stories about navigating different cultures and dealing with how we are perceived at each place. I think maybe your small cousins would enjoy teaching you when they can, as a suggestion. :)
Oh, you’d really appreciate the novel then. It’s so short yet so packed and explores existing within the diaspora in a razor sharp way.
Also, on the point of getting my little cousins to teach me, you’re honestly right. If only I could get them to sit still for long enough 😅 I have been on the hunt for a genuine tutor though and honestly I think that the strict structure of an external teacher might do me some good when it comes to my discipline towards learning the language.
You have a way with words that makes it so easy to understand and relate if it applies. Despite the fact i’m subscribed to you, I rarely ever read your writings but the title of this one called out to me. I wasn’t even bothered to open the app and read it all in my email because I couldn’t stop reading. This post made me think about a lot because I am also a Nigerian, yoruba, living in the US but I haven’t been here for that long,, like 6? years. I happen to fall on the side of those who think that regardless of where you are, you should be a full representative of where you’re from. How hypocritical of me, when i tell people to call me stephanie, my middle name, instead of my first name, oyinkansolami. But your writing today got me thinking,,, why do i feel like i’m a better representation of my culture because i know how to speak yoruba but shy away under my middle name to fit in here. why is it that the first thing people ask my parents is if their children speak yoruba? i’m not the best at conveying my thoughts into words but your writing has made me unexplainably happy. thank you so much for your beautiful work and i hope you have a wonderful day. p.s: i hope you’re able to understand my messy thoughts 🫶
Hey Chioma, I’ve really appreciated what you have to say and I’m also thankful you’ve found value in my writing too so as a thank you I did a one year comp for a paid subscription to my newsletter. I had to leave another comment to tell you haha 🫶🥰
Oh this was such an amazing read Chioma. I will be coming back and reading this from time to time for sure. Your way of bringing life to experiences is so captivating
Wow... This is so... Beautiful? Cathartic? What's the word?
As a Nigerian who's been out of the country for a minute and with older siblings scattered around the world raising their families in these communities, I often find myself wondering about the impact of that socialisation on my nieces and nephews. I know how brutal and unforgiving people back home can be towards "IJGBs" without having a care for the existential crisis that comes from belonging no where....
You're an amazing writer yourself and thanks for putting into words these struggles a lot of people resonate with but can't quite name.
I immediately clicked on the link when i saw the title of your new post in my twitter timeline. A lot of what you've written resonates with me and I need to get my hands on that book. I'm kurdish and I've always felt estranged from that identity. This feeling is the consequence of a century of turkish oppression which has led to my (mom's side of the) family to lose touch with that culture, can't even say my culture. Both of my parents grew up in households where only kurdish was spoken, until they started school and had to learn turkish, which in my mom's case slowly crept into her childhood home. Today, none of my cousins on that side know how to speak a word of kurdish. My parents moved to austria when i was two. I grew up in a turkish community always feeling alienated, in their presence and in this country itself by being a muslim and an immigrant. The only bit of kurdish culture i've known was my dad always talking in kurdish with us because he didnt want us to lose that. But still, one person is not enough exposure so here i am, understanding kurdish well but struggling to form a coherent sentence. I have been self studying and exposing myself to kurdish through media, but there's always been that voice that tells me that no matter how much I try, my tongue will never be hospitable enough for kurdish like it has been for turkish. I've been trying really hard to hold onto my ethnic identity and still cant help but feel pretentious by doing so, because how kurdish am I really? What can I claim? And how can I allow myself to talk on kurdish culture when I've never really gotten even a taste of it? I dont have the issue of a language barrier with my grandparents, but I feel incredibly guilty having to speak the oppressors' language with them while hearing they speak it with a think accent of their mothertongue. I don't know, this has always been a very complex part of my person, thank you for your words, they made me think about these things again
Chioma!! What an essay. I’m sure it’s different in a lot of ways, but I feel this so much being Jewish, with grandparents who were raised orthodox, but not raised myself in any synagogue/Jewish community. When I was little, I didn’t want to be Jewish, didn’t want a bat mitzvah, but now I’m like why didn’t my mom insist on it! But also, now I’m an adult, and isn’t it on me to start going to temple and do a late in life bat mitzvah? Oy. Complicated, complicated. Anyway - so well written and poignant and I will be thinking about this essay for days 🙃
Cydney!! First of all, thank you so much for reading🥹🫂
And I guess, yes, it’s different in many ways but it’s similar in all the ways that matter. Like, do we thank our families for taking note of what we wanted at the time and stepping back, or do we resent them for not pushing our cultures on to us more? Or do we just allow ourselves to feel all these feelings at once and stop trying so hard to decide on a single one? Maybe we’ll figure it out. Maybe we won’t 😭 I just hope we both learn to give ourselves grace during the process.
Amazing read Chi! I relate to this so much, in relation to my Belizean heritage and not feeling connected with my father’s country and culture. Excited for your (potential) bookclub! 🫶🏾
This topic has plagued so much of my life. Parents were shamed for not teaching me, I was shamed for not learning it, we were all shamed for not speaking it at home. It caused such a rift in my cultural identity that I just left it altogether. I'm British, whatever thst means. Related far too well with this 😭 Chioma has done it again 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
(also. the book recommendation was perfect. I used it for my dissertation!)
OMG? You did? Oh I bet it was so interesting picking apart the book in an entire dissertation. If you don’t mind me asking, what was your dissertation title?
It was for my undergraduate and it was titled smth like The Chaos of Bicultural and Multicultural Identities. smth along those lines, I don't remember exactly. But it was soooo interesting. Lowkey had an identity crisis during that disso 😭 But it made me question, blame, take responsibility - the whole lot
the way you write makes me feel like any language especially igbo would be honoured to be sculpted and moulded into any outward expression of your thoughts
OMG???? What a sweet thing to say. Thank you so much 🥹🥹
Great text, and it seems like a great book recommendation as well. Being a immigrant myself (Brazilian in Belgium) I love all the stories about navigating different cultures and dealing with how we are perceived at each place. I think maybe your small cousins would enjoy teaching you when they can, as a suggestion. :)
Oh, you’d really appreciate the novel then. It’s so short yet so packed and explores existing within the diaspora in a razor sharp way.
Also, on the point of getting my little cousins to teach me, you’re honestly right. If only I could get them to sit still for long enough 😅 I have been on the hunt for a genuine tutor though and honestly I think that the strict structure of an external teacher might do me some good when it comes to my discipline towards learning the language.
You have a way with words that makes it so easy to understand and relate if it applies. Despite the fact i’m subscribed to you, I rarely ever read your writings but the title of this one called out to me. I wasn’t even bothered to open the app and read it all in my email because I couldn’t stop reading. This post made me think about a lot because I am also a Nigerian, yoruba, living in the US but I haven’t been here for that long,, like 6? years. I happen to fall on the side of those who think that regardless of where you are, you should be a full representative of where you’re from. How hypocritical of me, when i tell people to call me stephanie, my middle name, instead of my first name, oyinkansolami. But your writing today got me thinking,,, why do i feel like i’m a better representation of my culture because i know how to speak yoruba but shy away under my middle name to fit in here. why is it that the first thing people ask my parents is if their children speak yoruba? i’m not the best at conveying my thoughts into words but your writing has made me unexplainably happy. thank you so much for your beautiful work and i hope you have a wonderful day. p.s: i hope you’re able to understand my messy thoughts 🫶
Hey Chioma, I’ve really appreciated what you have to say and I’m also thankful you’ve found value in my writing too so as a thank you I did a one year comp for a paid subscription to my newsletter. I had to leave another comment to tell you haha 🫶🥰
Oh this was such an amazing read Chioma. I will be coming back and reading this from time to time for sure. Your way of bringing life to experiences is so captivating
Wow... This is so... Beautiful? Cathartic? What's the word?
As a Nigerian who's been out of the country for a minute and with older siblings scattered around the world raising their families in these communities, I often find myself wondering about the impact of that socialisation on my nieces and nephews. I know how brutal and unforgiving people back home can be towards "IJGBs" without having a care for the existential crisis that comes from belonging no where....
You're an amazing writer yourself and thanks for putting into words these struggles a lot of people resonate with but can't quite name.
Daalu nne... (I'm Yorùbá btw)
I immediately clicked on the link when i saw the title of your new post in my twitter timeline. A lot of what you've written resonates with me and I need to get my hands on that book. I'm kurdish and I've always felt estranged from that identity. This feeling is the consequence of a century of turkish oppression which has led to my (mom's side of the) family to lose touch with that culture, can't even say my culture. Both of my parents grew up in households where only kurdish was spoken, until they started school and had to learn turkish, which in my mom's case slowly crept into her childhood home. Today, none of my cousins on that side know how to speak a word of kurdish. My parents moved to austria when i was two. I grew up in a turkish community always feeling alienated, in their presence and in this country itself by being a muslim and an immigrant. The only bit of kurdish culture i've known was my dad always talking in kurdish with us because he didnt want us to lose that. But still, one person is not enough exposure so here i am, understanding kurdish well but struggling to form a coherent sentence. I have been self studying and exposing myself to kurdish through media, but there's always been that voice that tells me that no matter how much I try, my tongue will never be hospitable enough for kurdish like it has been for turkish. I've been trying really hard to hold onto my ethnic identity and still cant help but feel pretentious by doing so, because how kurdish am I really? What can I claim? And how can I allow myself to talk on kurdish culture when I've never really gotten even a taste of it? I dont have the issue of a language barrier with my grandparents, but I feel incredibly guilty having to speak the oppressors' language with them while hearing they speak it with a think accent of their mothertongue. I don't know, this has always been a very complex part of my person, thank you for your words, they made me think about these things again
Chioma!! What an essay. I’m sure it’s different in a lot of ways, but I feel this so much being Jewish, with grandparents who were raised orthodox, but not raised myself in any synagogue/Jewish community. When I was little, I didn’t want to be Jewish, didn’t want a bat mitzvah, but now I’m like why didn’t my mom insist on it! But also, now I’m an adult, and isn’t it on me to start going to temple and do a late in life bat mitzvah? Oy. Complicated, complicated. Anyway - so well written and poignant and I will be thinking about this essay for days 🙃
Cydney!! First of all, thank you so much for reading🥹🫂
And I guess, yes, it’s different in many ways but it’s similar in all the ways that matter. Like, do we thank our families for taking note of what we wanted at the time and stepping back, or do we resent them for not pushing our cultures on to us more? Or do we just allow ourselves to feel all these feelings at once and stop trying so hard to decide on a single one? Maybe we’ll figure it out. Maybe we won’t 😭 I just hope we both learn to give ourselves grace during the process.
I really loved reading this
Really stunning beautiful essay 🖤🖤🖤
Amazing read Chi! I relate to this so much, in relation to my Belizean heritage and not feeling connected with my father’s country and culture. Excited for your (potential) bookclub! 🫶🏾
Another fantastic read, and very relatable (for better or for worse)