chioma!! this was so insanely beautiful, it’s always such a treat to get your writing in my inbox. absolutely loved the themes in this one & your writing is (as always) such a joy to read !!
I had to set up my account just to comment because I couldn’t leave without expressing this. This was such a beautiful read Chioma. Reading this on a Sunday morning right before getting ready for church makes it all more fitting. I found so much relatability in your words, your thoughts, and even your parents’ comments reminded me so much of my own. At the end of the day, it is definitely all a personal journey and I wish you all the best with yours. 👏🏾👏🏾
Welcome to the app, Vanessa!!! Thank you so much for giving this a read and, honestly, it warms my heart to know that this resonated. As you said, it is a personal journey and I’m learning that as long as you lead with love, there really isn’t anyway to get this journey “wrong”! x
Agh, thanks for the mention! I'm flattered and so glad it led me to reading ur post! The quote:
" When I was sixteen and my mother told me that it was time that I started fasting with the adults, this is the reasoning that she gave: “You’re getting older now,” she said, “so you need to pray for yourself, read the Bible yourself. Build your own relationship with God. As your mother, I will pray for you, but there will come a time where you’ll have to face His judgment alone.”
By that point, however, I didn’t really know who He was anymore. I wasn’t entirely sure that she knew Him that well, either. "
really got me. The probability of a parent's death before one's own, and the pressure and desire to take in their beliefs as a sacrament and to hold on to them in this way, while also kind of feeling like, "why did you do this to me if you can't give me any real answers that convince me you believe what you believe?"
Lately i've been listening to FEEL. by Kendrick Lamar pretty much every day. a recurring refrain is "ain't nobody praying for me" which is his great frustration and feeling of futility in praying for anyone else, especially when he's feeling overwhelmed by how ugly the world is and he is sometimes convinced he's losing his own faith. Our parents' spiritual practices can sometimes feel like a burden or an obligation but we also can hardly deny that losing someone who will pray fervently for us constantly will feel scarring and scary. The "you have to learn to do this because one day, I won't be here," paralleled with how your mother fights flies for you 😆 was so so sweet and painful and lined in a fear that feels irrational but is definitely so real, which might be the thesis of this beautiful piece.
when my mom had cancer in 2020, my biggest thought was "I can't lose my mom." just on repeat over and over in my head like a siren. in a way, i think our relationships with our parents kind of mirror our relationship w God. I definitely feel like I've got Daddy Issues regarding God, lol and it's an ouroboros entwined with my relationship with my parents and how they raised me. Complex stuff, but now i'm rambling bc I am not currently capable of turning my thoughts into something cohesive lol. thanks for sharing!! 💜 💜
“Daddy issues regarding God” really really made me chuckle but, wow, that’s the perfect way to describe it. Religion is so intermeshed with culture for me and as a member of the African diaspora, I definitely feel the pressure to believe in the same practices because not believing will cut me off from religion AND access to my culture. As you mentioned, very complex stuff!
Thank you (again) for your other piece because that really did inspire me. I’m pretty sure I read it and IMMEDIATELY opened my notes app 😭 Can’t wait to see more of your work! And, thank you for reading x
i saw the title and was immediately intrigued... ended up downloading the app to comment on how much i loved it! your writing is beautiful. the descriptions of being watched and known connected with me so much, it felt like it had been written from my mind. beautiful and inspiring work <3
Sorry for taking a while to get round to this - but I loved it! I really enjoyed your piece at the beginning and the exploration between god and flies! I also loved your TOTF review! I definitely didn’t sit with the concept of the fly in her eye enough, there is definitely so much there in Piñeiro choosing to write and explore that, something which retrospectively after reading your review I wish I’d given a bit more time to. I guess I briefly considered it to represent how your past can follow you, no matter how much has progressed and changed?
I’m sorry you didn’t LOVE TOTF but I get it I don’t think it’s her best work at all.
That whole second paragraph. Gosh, you’re so right and that has always and probably will always be something that’ll have me itching my head. I’ve always seen that, too often, people will adopt “God’s wrath” and take on the role of executing it for themselves which should, in itself, be a practice that’s looked down upon. There’s literally a verse in the Bible that says that vengeance and judgment is God’s and God’s alone and… yet….
Thank you so much for reading, Hebs! As always it’s great to hear your thoughts 🫂❤️
chioma!! this was so insanely beautiful, it’s always such a treat to get your writing in my inbox. absolutely loved the themes in this one & your writing is (as always) such a joy to read !!
Hannahhhhh! 🫂 Your compliments mean the world. Thank you so much for reading.
I had to set up my account just to comment because I couldn’t leave without expressing this. This was such a beautiful read Chioma. Reading this on a Sunday morning right before getting ready for church makes it all more fitting. I found so much relatability in your words, your thoughts, and even your parents’ comments reminded me so much of my own. At the end of the day, it is definitely all a personal journey and I wish you all the best with yours. 👏🏾👏🏾
Welcome to the app, Vanessa!!! Thank you so much for giving this a read and, honestly, it warms my heart to know that this resonated. As you said, it is a personal journey and I’m learning that as long as you lead with love, there really isn’t anyway to get this journey “wrong”! x
Agh, thanks for the mention! I'm flattered and so glad it led me to reading ur post! The quote:
" When I was sixteen and my mother told me that it was time that I started fasting with the adults, this is the reasoning that she gave: “You’re getting older now,” she said, “so you need to pray for yourself, read the Bible yourself. Build your own relationship with God. As your mother, I will pray for you, but there will come a time where you’ll have to face His judgment alone.”
By that point, however, I didn’t really know who He was anymore. I wasn’t entirely sure that she knew Him that well, either. "
really got me. The probability of a parent's death before one's own, and the pressure and desire to take in their beliefs as a sacrament and to hold on to them in this way, while also kind of feeling like, "why did you do this to me if you can't give me any real answers that convince me you believe what you believe?"
Lately i've been listening to FEEL. by Kendrick Lamar pretty much every day. a recurring refrain is "ain't nobody praying for me" which is his great frustration and feeling of futility in praying for anyone else, especially when he's feeling overwhelmed by how ugly the world is and he is sometimes convinced he's losing his own faith. Our parents' spiritual practices can sometimes feel like a burden or an obligation but we also can hardly deny that losing someone who will pray fervently for us constantly will feel scarring and scary. The "you have to learn to do this because one day, I won't be here," paralleled with how your mother fights flies for you 😆 was so so sweet and painful and lined in a fear that feels irrational but is definitely so real, which might be the thesis of this beautiful piece.
when my mom had cancer in 2020, my biggest thought was "I can't lose my mom." just on repeat over and over in my head like a siren. in a way, i think our relationships with our parents kind of mirror our relationship w God. I definitely feel like I've got Daddy Issues regarding God, lol and it's an ouroboros entwined with my relationship with my parents and how they raised me. Complex stuff, but now i'm rambling bc I am not currently capable of turning my thoughts into something cohesive lol. thanks for sharing!! 💜 💜
“Daddy issues regarding God” really really made me chuckle but, wow, that’s the perfect way to describe it. Religion is so intermeshed with culture for me and as a member of the African diaspora, I definitely feel the pressure to believe in the same practices because not believing will cut me off from religion AND access to my culture. As you mentioned, very complex stuff!
Thank you (again) for your other piece because that really did inspire me. I’m pretty sure I read it and IMMEDIATELY opened my notes app 😭 Can’t wait to see more of your work! And, thank you for reading x
i saw the title and was immediately intrigued... ended up downloading the app to comment on how much i loved it! your writing is beautiful. the descriptions of being watched and known connected with me so much, it felt like it had been written from my mind. beautiful and inspiring work <3
Oh wow! That’s so sweet 😢 Thank you so much for reading x
God, Chioma. Your writing will always move me. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
As always, I’m so glad! 🫂 Thank you for reading, Ose (and thank you for always giving so much love)
Sorry for taking a while to get round to this - but I loved it! I really enjoyed your piece at the beginning and the exploration between god and flies! I also loved your TOTF review! I definitely didn’t sit with the concept of the fly in her eye enough, there is definitely so much there in Piñeiro choosing to write and explore that, something which retrospectively after reading your review I wish I’d given a bit more time to. I guess I briefly considered it to represent how your past can follow you, no matter how much has progressed and changed?
I’m sorry you didn’t LOVE TOTF but I get it I don’t think it’s her best work at all.
Ps thanks for recommending the newsletter xxxx
That whole second paragraph. Gosh, you’re so right and that has always and probably will always be something that’ll have me itching my head. I’ve always seen that, too often, people will adopt “God’s wrath” and take on the role of executing it for themselves which should, in itself, be a practice that’s looked down upon. There’s literally a verse in the Bible that says that vengeance and judgment is God’s and God’s alone and… yet….
Thank you so much for reading, Hebs! As always it’s great to hear your thoughts 🫂❤️